My Happily Ever After

On December 23rd, 2011 my whole life changed. Cinderella and Prince Charming got married. I honestly wasn't nervous at all. I knew this is what I wanted with all my heart and I wouldn't change anything. As my daddy walked me down the asile my mind was clear, other than the fact that I was thinking what the **** was biological father doing at my wedding?! When Tanner and I met eyes and I noticed "WOW" mutter under his breath I couldn't wait to enterlock hands and say, "I Do!" When he put he put my tiny 4.5 ring on and said, "I Do," I just knew I was in a fairytale. And then I repeated the same thing and he kissed his bride. When the preacher announced for the first time Mr. & Mrs. Tanner Hyman I was still so blissful.
After a million pictures were taken and we arrived to the reception we danced Our First Dance. I was so happy and estatic; I was still in awe that the whole thing had happened. I did really well that day; not one tear was shed.
I did get sappy when my daddy gave a speach at the reception and then we danced our song. It took all I had not to cry. I knew that once the dance was over our whole relationship would change. I'm not really sure why it happens but I know it does. It seems like my relationship with everyone has changed. Like I'm an outsider looking in. I feel like because I'm married I should know exactly what I want to do and what I am doing in life. If you had asked me a year ago today what I wanted to do with my life I could have given you and very well thought out answer, now I have no idea.
Tanner left to go back to San Antonio on Sunday. He will only be gone for month. I was standing at the gate as he walked away to get on the plane and I walked away as well. I didn't know what to do. There were so many people around and I silently panicked. I didn't know if I should stay or leave or cry or scream. But I just quietly walked away and held myself together. When I got into my car I sat there for a minute. Debated on crying and then felt bad because I couldn't cry. I began to drive south and I turned on my radio and my cd player started playing. My wedding cd was in. I was like you have got to be kinding me. But in a sick, wierd way it made me feel better so I kept listening. I feel like I should cry but I can't. I am really sad though. It sucks not waking up with him beside me and it sucks to put my hand on my gear shift and he isn't there to hold my hand. I know its only a month this time and then the real fun starts...
In about a month and a half my whole universe will change once again. I will be moving half way across the country to El Paso, Texas. But I do know that for the rest of my life I will have my best friend by my side. I couldn't ask for a better friend, partner, lover, husband. I started packing yesterday and it was the wierdest thing ever. I haven't had to pack in over two years and packing again feels like I'm letting go of one story and starting another. Which i suppose techincally I am ending one chapter and starting another. But this chapter was the best one in the book so far.